Show Up Messy

I am a recovering people pleaser.

And a recovering perfectionist.

Decades ago, before I knew about these traits, I was quite blissfully and naively content; until I wasn’t.

After all, part of our social skills training as girls and women was about politeness, being helpful, saying yes ad nauseam. This list goes on:

being told how we should look and act
being warned about airing dirty laundry in public
instructed to just smile, even when we were broken inside

In other words, discount our feelings, and look good. Messiness will not be tolerated!

As a woman less than a year from 60, I am writing a new story.

Recently at an On Purpose Woman Global Community gathering on Zoom, each attendee had the opportunity to say why they chose to attend. My reply was, “I am showing up messy because that is my truest response today. In doing so, I am honoring my life, my experience, and myself.”

And I survived!

My “showing up messy” response resonated with others. There was a collective sigh!

When we show up fully present to our embodied truth, it allows us to hold ourselves with that extra bit of tenderness, even if only for a short amount of time.

When we show up less than “polished” or “all put together” or “perfect” and own it fully, it helps create a break in circuitry. It changes our default mode and challenges the inner critic who says, “You won’t be accepted just as you are!”

The more we fully embody all of ourselves, including our hot mess selves, and the more we challenge our inner dialogue, the FREER we become.

If we choose not to show up at all, nothing changes.

When we are witnessed sincerely by others, even in our mess, we carve out a space to relax, and our hearts and souls are nurtured. It opens a doorway for others. It invites them toward their truth, their tenderness, their wholeness, leading each of us to truly honor our humanness.

Many of us have worn multiple masks since childhood. We have molded and contains ourselves inwardly and outwardly to fit in. There was a point where we learned that adaptation, but before that, we were just unabashedly our true selves, in connection to our beingness.

Let’s start a little revolution, to remove self-imposed, societal, and generational labels that no longer serve. It is time to deeply meet and greet ourselves just as we are, even if we show up messy.

Yes, there will be a ripple effect.

As you show up messy, raw, vulnerable, and real, you build trust in yourself as a multidimensional, multifaceted, multi-emotional, expansive, divine-human being. Whole, not fragmented.

My youngest daughter has a saying, “I did (such and such), and I didn’t die!” Stepping out of our comfort zone always has risks. Survival is part of our DNA. Survival for many has come to mean always doing the right thing, looking right, speaking right, not ruffling feathers, because if we don’t adhere, we may die!

Our inner critic is our judge and jury, reminding us not to expose ourselves to the enemy and stay safe. Small. Silent. Tidy. This reflects the age-old limiting thought that children should be seen and not heard. Or women should just look pretty and leave the important stuff to men.

After all, emotions and feelings are messy. Yep, messy.

Society learns towards modeling everyone in sameness. Yet, we also like to celebrate the underdog: we rally behind a story of challenge to triumph. It gives us hope. It acknowledges differences. It frees us from the fear of not fitting in and the fear that if I am different, I will be excommunicated or cast out from the tribe.

Belonging is a human core value.

I want to be in the tribe that celebrates belonging with wholehearted realness – freedom to be yourself. Showing up messy means I see all of you, and I recognize all of me.

Sisterhood: The Love Evolution

by Lulu | Uncategorized

Sisterhood: The Love Evolution

by Laura Di Franco | Jul 4, 2021 | Warrior Love | 5 comments

Nothing is quite like a deep, caring, understanding, unwavering and patient soulful female friend.

A sister. A soul sister.

The sort of relationship that you consciously choose, and work at wholeheartedly, through thick and thin. I believe humanity needs the healing power of sisterhood. We as women have the power to change that, one woman at a time.

I have “called in” sisterhood throughout the globe, for over 3 decades now. In women’s circles when truth is spoken, embodied emotion is held tenderly, and sacred space is created. Each women softens, her heart sighs audibly, and she comes to know herself deeper in a divine way. She feels that….

Open to receiving messages – not the email kind!

by Lulu | Inspiration, Mindset

Who’s dreams are you living?

This is a question we need to ask ourselves often.

Who do we serve in NOT living our dreams?

These questions had been in my thoughts for weeks leading up to my book launch.

I shuffled my new card deck of Moments of Transformation, and for the third time in little under 36-hours, I pulled the same card ~ Joy. It was certainly true I was feeling joy. It was waving through my body with a complete ease, whereas joy in the past felt more like a quick high, and somewhat fleeting. This joy was whole and constant. It allowed me to see that even my level of joy was transforming.

I know that stepping forward and sharing my writing, launching my first book Soul Blessings and my Moments of Transformation Cards came from a place of deep knowing. I had had the message in meditation over the past six months that it would be a disservice not to share these. That push-pull dynamic within us precedes almost everything, especially in those moments of new ventures. It is real and we must see it, acknowledge it and honour that which is our deepest truth and keep going.

Our gifts are to be shared. But more importantly, that which brings us the great joy we need to move towards, feel, embody and take claim to. No one else can tell us the “right” way, although they will try. Others may judge you, and still, we are called to move towards your own personal joy.

If you feel this push-pull dynamic, it is time to sit in stillness or take a long walk in nature, to allow more clarity and direction. Our lives are busy, and in this busyness that still quiet voice of your soul needs to be heard, by YOU. Listen. Be open to receiving these messages, which your soul brings forth. Trust.

Here is the full message on the card:

Joy

~ Delightful Revelry ~

Message: Joy is the deepest essence of delight, fully embraced. Meet joy at every crossroad

~ small moments fuel more joy. Allow it to bubble up within you

~ it cannot be contained. Like laughter, allow it to become infectious.

Deepening: What simple actions can you take to enhance your joy? What was the one thing that brought you great joy as a child? Fling your arms wide open, look upwards, and hold this position. Often.

Let this message; in my blog be the reminder to you that your time is now.

I am committed to all people tapping into their gifts and uplifting humanity with joy, love, clarity and soulful connections.

Be a part of the Revolution of Love

Soul Blessings book and Moments of Transformation cards are two unique stunning gifts with soul, you can find them in my shop: Click here to visit!

Wonder Tool ~ The Mastery of Reframing

by Lulu | Mindset

The more I use the tools of reframing the freer I feel.

Let me explain.

We are the sum total of our thoughts, feelings, actions, dreams, challenges, memories, beliefs, judgments, childhood, ancestral heritage and so on. If you really think about it every second of your existence has left some imprint on you. After all, we are conscious, living, breathing beings. We like to think we have the freedom to choose our destiny, well I do.

So both these things are true. We have been imprinted upon and we have free choice.

Here is where you get to leverage your choice and release some of that imprinting. Because we all know some of it is no longer necessary, we have outgrown it or we recognize that it was someones else’s viewpoint dumped on us. All of it has been valuable, every single second. (We will explore this in another blog.) For now, let’s look at how to enhance our free choice around these imprints.

Many times in my life I have found when something starts to irritate me, it often can indicate that my perception needs a makeover. Especially thoughts, beliefs, and judgments. This is where I use the tool of Reframing. The best way I know when I need to look at reframing a thought/belief is when I ‘feel’ off. Where my deepest values do not match what I say or do.

Recently, I was caught up in the whole gun debate and atrocities caused by guns that have been happening in the USA. I was posting anti-gun posts left right and center.

Then I came across a quote by Mother Teresa. She said, “I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.” I saw clearly, my posting about these on Facebook was me participating in anti-gun demonstrations, and I AM PRO-PEACE, pro-safety for children and pro-love.

This was a REFRAME, your awareness meets your values and the next logical step is to take action on it. So I can with a full heart and consciousness post on peace. I am in a more powerful place to take action. Being against anything adds power to that very thing. Being for something adds more power.

It really is all about where you want to invest your love, attention, and power. Your choice.

Reframing happens when you ‘catch’ the disconnect and you refrain in the moment your thoughts flag it to you. If you don’t catch it, your feelings will also alert you. The sooner you can be awakened to the disconnect the better.

I had numerous moments when I was a child that I did a reframe, before I knew that’s what it was.

My Mother really did not like the siren sound of Police, Ambulances or Fire Brigades, when she heard one she would get agitated. She would then say “What has some bloody idiot gone and done now?”

I remember being bewildered by this, I could have easily taken on this comment as my own, but I didn’t. I reframed it, I said to myself “That siren is because someone is needing help, and they will be receiving it quickly” Today when I hear I siren, I still say this same thought in my mind.

I have also reframed something afterwards, years afterwards.
The best way I have found to do this is by moving your energy, in particularly dancing.

I have often heard it said, you can not solve a problem with the same mindset where the problem was created. This is where a solo dance part helps. Movement changes your energy. When YOU freely dance you cannot keep thinking the same repetitive thoughts, it is a way to move them out of that worn out groove.

Solo Dance Party Reframe – To work with this, first write down one ‘thought’ that you know no longer fits you, your life or values, it is like an outdated model of yourself. Start with something small to begin. Look for statement you might be making to yourself (we all are making these statements often) like, I should, I always, I must, these will give you an indicator of fertile soil that longs for a fresh planting.

i.e. I should always make my bed every day. Write it down, don’t analyze, don’t berate yourself, don’t get into this in not important blah, blah, blah. Just write it down.
Now choose the best, best dance music that enlivens you. You are not on a dance floor, no-one is watching you. Be free, be funky, be expressive, really go for it. Dance the “I should always make my bed” dance. Dance for at least one song.

After you have danced come back to your paper, with your non-dominant hand write whatever comes to mind in relationship to your first statement.
Here is what came up for me – When I come into my bedroom at night it feels inviting to peel back my freshly made bed.

My logic mind would have said, I should always make my bed because otherwise, I am being a slob.

Start with something small, really try it. This empowers me more to know that, I have removed a ‘should’ and replaced it with what brings me joy or contentment.

I suggest a weekly solo dance party. Really.

Shift some of those thoughts that are way passed their expiration date.
Reframing is a powerful free healing practice.

Don’t take my word for it though, I share what I find has worked for me. In the past I have been a hard taskmaster to myself, and I seek to find tools that work for my greatest benefit, mixed in with joy.

Happy Solo Dance Party.

Blessings, in wonder and joy Lulu

ps. The truth about self empowerment or self growth is that YOU really can empower YOUrself.
pss. Feel free to share any comments and victories

Write that F***ing Book

by Lulu | Inspiration

The Muse has been tapping me on the shoulder now for some time.

She has been whispering soulfully, stirring something in my heart of hearts. She is the virginal seductress. And her pleasure will only be satisfied when I stop, listen and embrace her tenderly and completely. Her pleasure and mine is the communion that has been seeking me for many years, or even decades now.

She whispered to me:

“There is a book in you that only you can write. Your words, your expression, your insightfulness come through you and only you. Speaking your truth from every fiber of your being can ignite many hearts. Take up your pen now my sweet.”

It could take six months or a year to write it; I cannot leave my responsibilities and go to a cabin and live like a hermit and write. I lament.

“If I ever saw my muse she would be an old woman with a tight bun and spectacles poking me in the middle of the back and growling, “Wake up and write the book!” ~ Kerry Greenwood

I busy myself again. I ignore her. There are others to care for, others that need me. There are mundane things that need attending to today and tomorrow. Then in my mind I see an ocean stretched out in front of me, endless chores bobbing up and down in it, and no clear route to sail through. I feel blocked, held, thwarted. I feel joylessness. I am drowning.

She beckons again. No busyness satisfies me any longer.

I cannot escape the hunger that needs to be fed, the expression that needs to spill forth and land, releasing me of the imprisoned “one day I will get to it” mantra.

That day has come. I sit at my desk restlessly. I grab paper and begin.

I write and write. I underline. I scribble out. I chew the end of my pen. I pace backward and forward. I write some more.

The next day I do it again.

“This is the other secret that real artists know and wannabe writers don’t. When we sit down each day and do our work, power concentrates around us. The Muse takes note of our dedication. She approves. We have earned favor in her sight. When we sit down and work, we become like a magnetized rod that attracts iron filings. Ideas come. Insights accrete.” ~ Steven Pressfield, The War of Art.

To read more please follow this link to my original article on Elephant Journal https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/write-that-fing-book/